some things just look good
appealing it seems
these wants and desires
can't get them out of my system.
but now i know what to do and where to go.
life is so simple when you know the truth and choose to believe the truth which is really the only right thing to do, but we rarely admit it. we engage in all those useless bothersome and tiring games for what?
repent.
i am a sinner so weak. i need Him.
Monday, April 26
Saturday, April 17
just wanna
still not myself under the influence of the flu,
but doing all i can do to enjoy the approaching spring.
the cherry blossoms have fully bloomed and yielded their places to new signs of life
midterms are finally coming up next week..marking the halfway mark of my semester in handong.
I feel so well adjusted, but i do miss the freedom to be.
then again, here i have this feeling of entitlement as a fellow korean to try everything, knowing that i will be given an equal chance of success. (it's hard to explain.)
there i was not able to be fully confident of my abilities. there i couldn't try things just because i could. it may have been all in my mind, but i almost always felt like i had to prove myself worthy of anything and everything. invisible cloud hanging above.
so here i gave it a try.
i auditioned for an album recording thing that will happen in the summer.
and i passed the first audition.
more than a hundred people auditioned for it and i don't know how many passed the first audition.
anyhow, whatever the results will be for the second audition, i'm still pretty happy that i tried it :)
you'll never succeed if you don't risk failure, yeah?
On another note, they sky here is absolutely beautiful.
Gordon has amazing skies too, but handong may beat it.
will post pictures when, or IF, my package from the sister arrives with my camera and my lovely multivitamins.
but doing all i can do to enjoy the approaching spring.
the cherry blossoms have fully bloomed and yielded their places to new signs of life
midterms are finally coming up next week..marking the halfway mark of my semester in handong.
I feel so well adjusted, but i do miss the freedom to be.
then again, here i have this feeling of entitlement as a fellow korean to try everything, knowing that i will be given an equal chance of success. (it's hard to explain.)
there i was not able to be fully confident of my abilities. there i couldn't try things just because i could. it may have been all in my mind, but i almost always felt like i had to prove myself worthy of anything and everything. invisible cloud hanging above.
so here i gave it a try.
i auditioned for an album recording thing that will happen in the summer.
and i passed the first audition.
more than a hundred people auditioned for it and i don't know how many passed the first audition.
anyhow, whatever the results will be for the second audition, i'm still pretty happy that i tried it :)
you'll never succeed if you don't risk failure, yeah?
On another note, they sky here is absolutely beautiful.
Gordon has amazing skies too, but handong may beat it.
will post pictures when, or IF, my package from the sister arrives with my camera and my lovely multivitamins.
Sunday, April 4
period.
whew.
moving on.
gotta learn to accept and appreciate my emotions.
God must be an extremely emotional being, too.
moving on.
gotta learn to accept and appreciate my emotions.
God must be an extremely emotional being, too.
Wednesday, March 31
taking it slowly
no use rushing things.
trying to understand.
formulating questions to ask.
analyzing every single conversation.
useless.
time will tell, yeah?
i'm going to take it all slowly.
yes, i only have one semester here, but if it's meant to be then it will be.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
life is much more complicated here in Korea.
so community oriented.
it used to be easier in the states,
where i only needed to really just care about myself.
i guess it's also called growing older..
trying to understand.
formulating questions to ask.
analyzing every single conversation.
useless.
time will tell, yeah?
i'm going to take it all slowly.
yes, i only have one semester here, but if it's meant to be then it will be.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
life is much more complicated here in Korea.
so community oriented.
it used to be easier in the states,
where i only needed to really just care about myself.
i guess it's also called growing older..
Thursday, March 25
what to say
unexpected acquaintances
i met this person with a lot of similarities
including the fact that both of our mothers went through cancer
God heard our prayers and removed my mom's left over tumor after the first surgery
God heard their prayers and did not remove his mom's tumor
what to say
he's taking a semester off to look after his mom
i'll be enjoying the rest of my semester here
what to say
he took me out for lunch and coffee
on the day he found out about the severity of his mom's situation
-sigh-
what to say..
i met this person with a lot of similarities
including the fact that both of our mothers went through cancer
God heard our prayers and removed my mom's left over tumor after the first surgery
God heard their prayers and did not remove his mom's tumor
what to say
he's taking a semester off to look after his mom
i'll be enjoying the rest of my semester here
what to say
he took me out for lunch and coffee
on the day he found out about the severity of his mom's situation
-sigh-
what to say..
Tuesday, March 23
utilitarianism
so i am taking this class called
Justice: Readings in Moral and Political Philosophy
it is modelled after the class taught at harvard by Michael Sandel (my professor was an undergrad there)
with just about 10 students in the class, i expected intense debates and deep discussions, but:
disappointment
frustration
monologues
on another positive note,
this day was quite enjoyable.
loved the company of many different people accompanied with coffee and tea
engaging in countless conversations
exchanging recent realizations, life lessons, and just catching up
accompanied by an unusually warm weather
walking in the woods trying and succeeding in not getting lost
discovering more about Handong
starting my job as the english discussion lab facilitator aka meeting more new people
being persuaded into buying my friend's album
joining a group of nkrns for their daily prayer meeting for their homeland!
meeting some other random mks
when am i going to actually study? ;)
Justice: Readings in Moral and Political Philosophy
it is modelled after the class taught at harvard by Michael Sandel (my professor was an undergrad there)
with just about 10 students in the class, i expected intense debates and deep discussions, but:
disappointment
frustration
monologues
on another positive note,
this day was quite enjoyable.
loved the company of many different people accompanied with coffee and tea
engaging in countless conversations
exchanging recent realizations, life lessons, and just catching up
accompanied by an unusually warm weather
walking in the woods trying and succeeding in not getting lost
discovering more about Handong
starting my job as the english discussion lab facilitator aka meeting more new people
being persuaded into buying my friend's album
joining a group of nkrns for their daily prayer meeting for their homeland!
meeting some other random mks
when am i going to actually study? ;)
Sunday, March 21
decisions
what kind of legacy do i want to leave in my short time here
where should i pour my time and resources in
God,
give me wisdom
give me discernment
i want to obey
where should i pour my time and resources in
God,
give me wisdom
give me discernment
i want to obey
Thursday, March 18
meet me for coffee?
one of the upsides of being an exchange student is that i'm one of the few students who have time to invest in people. on the other side is a problem: other people don't have as much time to spend with me.
so, feeling a little lonely here and there. feeling a bit guilty to be so relaxed while everyone is dying from too much work.
still really thankful for this opportunity to really absorb the things i'm learning not just in classrooms but observations in life. the classes aren't as challenging and intellectually stimulating, but i think the experience is what's good. also, it is truly ironical to realize that slow thinking, learning, and reflections are actually possible during the semester. gone are the days when i had to force information and new discoveries into my short term memory bank. maybe i'll be able to improve my memory... and my mindlessness ;)
this weekend's already filled with people to meet and things to do and i have no classes tomorrow.
muy bien muy bien.
so, feeling a little lonely here and there. feeling a bit guilty to be so relaxed while everyone is dying from too much work.
still really thankful for this opportunity to really absorb the things i'm learning not just in classrooms but observations in life. the classes aren't as challenging and intellectually stimulating, but i think the experience is what's good. also, it is truly ironical to realize that slow thinking, learning, and reflections are actually possible during the semester. gone are the days when i had to force information and new discoveries into my short term memory bank. maybe i'll be able to improve my memory... and my mindlessness ;)
this weekend's already filled with people to meet and things to do and i have no classes tomorrow.
muy bien muy bien.
Tuesday, March 16
when will it end
are ups and downs inevitable in life?
do i create my own dramas?
i sometimes wonder if i'm crazy.
then again, i'm in a new environment and it seems to me that everyone is crazy here.
this moving-around-and-adjusting-all-the-time business will have to end someday.
i thought i enjoyed it, but that judgment was always made in hindsight.
i do not dislike this place, in fact, i enjoy it, but i know that i'm craving for familiarity and i see myself desperately trying to find that in the people i used to know who go here now.
nothing against my friends, but really i'm reminded again and again that i should place my trust in God ultimately and not in fallible human beings (self-included).
Father, how should i live in order to please you?
do i create my own dramas?
i sometimes wonder if i'm crazy.
then again, i'm in a new environment and it seems to me that everyone is crazy here.
this moving-around-and-adjusting-all-the-time business will have to end someday.
i thought i enjoyed it, but that judgment was always made in hindsight.
i do not dislike this place, in fact, i enjoy it, but i know that i'm craving for familiarity and i see myself desperately trying to find that in the people i used to know who go here now.
nothing against my friends, but really i'm reminded again and again that i should place my trust in God ultimately and not in fallible human beings (self-included).
Father, how should i live in order to please you?
Thursday, March 11
things you learn...
'tis my third week at Handong Global University
i have observed and acquired a few lessons on the way of life here:
1. do not go out without make-up on your face
2. the younger person is supposed to call the older person to meet up and not the other way around
3. do not place your umbrella in the hallway to dry because someone needier will take it
4. do not strike up conversations with strangers especially if s/he is of the opposite sex
5. you can shower with no curtains between the stalls but it is embarassing to accidentally see your roommate change in the room
6. it is possible to have a british accent mixed with a korean accent when speaking english
7. do not bother to tie your shoelaces. you'll need to take off your shoes pretty much every where you enter (not in classrooms, thank God)
8. it is embarassing to finish all of your food on your tray if you are a girl
9. boys should walk the girl to their dorms
10. korean students can function normally with only 5 hours of sleep each night
in case i sound too critical of the korean society, let me just add a few things i am thankful for~
a. my roommate and middleschool & highschool classmate, grace yang, who is pretty much the only person i could feel free to comment/complain about a lot of things i feel here. a godsent.
b. my dorm room. being the newest built dorm on this campus, it has the nicest facilities and largest rooms.
c. the cafeteria food. i've heard the worst things about the food here, but i actually enjoy it. it's more satisfying than gordon's caf food.
d. the prayer rooms in each floor, in the library, and many other places. allows short periods of quiet time away from the multitude. and i mean it, this place is crowded.
e. the new church i've decided to go to. although it's a small church (that is also too crowded), the people there are sincere and the pastor genuinely loves God and loves us.
f. the library here. people here are pretty intense about their studies. you can't help but study when you sit there.
g. the store and the bookstore. this, for sure, i already know i'm going to miss when i go back to gordon. they have EVERYTHING and they open till 11PM.
h. seeing my old mk friends here. it's not the same as before, but still love having them around and seeing their familiar faces.
i. the laundry here only costs 50 cents!
j. having "dates" with my team "campus couple." so the leader matches everyone every week and the two are to be a couple for that week. we're supposed to earn points by doing different things and different accomplishments are given different points. for example, eating together at the cheapest cafeteria would be 1 point, but doing a full "date" including a dinner, dessert, movie would be 20 pts. you are supposed to get a minimum of 25 pts to pass or else you have a fine. hence, i have a date tomorrow :)
one last word:
i know i came to handong to start networking and meeting new people, especially those who are interested in serving north korean refugees. but. i think God is really calling me to seek Him this semester. i have more free time here and the leisure to not care about my grades too much. this has eternal value and i believe that seeking and finding Him would be the best thing i would gain from this semester, if not, in my lifetime. i've decided to meet with him at 10PM everynight. please keep me accountable :)
i have observed and acquired a few lessons on the way of life here:
1. do not go out without make-up on your face
2. the younger person is supposed to call the older person to meet up and not the other way around
3. do not place your umbrella in the hallway to dry because someone needier will take it
4. do not strike up conversations with strangers especially if s/he is of the opposite sex
5. you can shower with no curtains between the stalls but it is embarassing to accidentally see your roommate change in the room
6. it is possible to have a british accent mixed with a korean accent when speaking english
7. do not bother to tie your shoelaces. you'll need to take off your shoes pretty much every where you enter (not in classrooms, thank God)
8. it is embarassing to finish all of your food on your tray if you are a girl
9. boys should walk the girl to their dorms
10. korean students can function normally with only 5 hours of sleep each night
in case i sound too critical of the korean society, let me just add a few things i am thankful for~
a. my roommate and middleschool & highschool classmate, grace yang, who is pretty much the only person i could feel free to comment/complain about a lot of things i feel here. a godsent.
b. my dorm room. being the newest built dorm on this campus, it has the nicest facilities and largest rooms.
c. the cafeteria food. i've heard the worst things about the food here, but i actually enjoy it. it's more satisfying than gordon's caf food.
d. the prayer rooms in each floor, in the library, and many other places. allows short periods of quiet time away from the multitude. and i mean it, this place is crowded.
e. the new church i've decided to go to. although it's a small church (that is also too crowded), the people there are sincere and the pastor genuinely loves God and loves us.
f. the library here. people here are pretty intense about their studies. you can't help but study when you sit there.
g. the store and the bookstore. this, for sure, i already know i'm going to miss when i go back to gordon. they have EVERYTHING and they open till 11PM.
h. seeing my old mk friends here. it's not the same as before, but still love having them around and seeing their familiar faces.
i. the laundry here only costs 50 cents!
j. having "dates" with my team "campus couple." so the leader matches everyone every week and the two are to be a couple for that week. we're supposed to earn points by doing different things and different accomplishments are given different points. for example, eating together at the cheapest cafeteria would be 1 point, but doing a full "date" including a dinner, dessert, movie would be 20 pts. you are supposed to get a minimum of 25 pts to pass or else you have a fine. hence, i have a date tomorrow :)
one last word:
i know i came to handong to start networking and meeting new people, especially those who are interested in serving north korean refugees. but. i think God is really calling me to seek Him this semester. i have more free time here and the leisure to not care about my grades too much. this has eternal value and i believe that seeking and finding Him would be the best thing i would gain from this semester, if not, in my lifetime. i've decided to meet with him at 10PM everynight. please keep me accountable :)
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